Debunking the Bad Apple Myth

I have seen my students give up their turn to speak for a classmate, help a classmate who is stuck in their writing, and ignore disruptive behaviours, which in a regular school, may have completely disturbed class decorum. Some wake up at 5:30 am to adjust to time differences in order to attend

class, while others go from a“child who can't sit still in one place” to one who actively participates in 2-hour long sessions. The amount of “good” behaviour they exhibit is numerous, but the world is quick to dole out plenty of bad adjectives to correct a child or to point out their mistakes, but slow to appreciate a job well done. No wonder we have a world full of adults with extremely critical mental monologues. In all these years, I have never faced the issue of 'one bad apple spoiling the barrel.' In fact, I think it's more like a child gone unsupported in their own specific way or just plain misunderstood. 

 We need a lot of patience while dealing with kids, and one point that we need to remember is that most children (and many adults  wink  ) do not understand the difference between good and bad attention. So how do I work with kids labelled "difficult"? I understand that they just enjoy the attention. Instead of shaming any habit into submission, I have a gentler approach, using positive reinforcement. These are the concrete actions I take: 

 I find ways to give them good attention when they take even the smallest positive action. It could be for coming to class on time, doing their homework (even if it is just the bare minimum), greeting me first, writing a few sentences in class, or just speaking in a discussion. Giving positive feedback has to be authentic; so I genuinely find things in them that I actually appreciate. I stay away from vague compliments like “good”, or appearance-based compliments (unless they got a haircut). Why do I stay far away from calling a child “good”? "Good" creates a vague persona that the child has to live up to, and honestly, we are imperfect humans and being good is a difficult status to live up to. After I see that they have started believing in themselves, then I begin transitioning them out of needing my validation. After I give them feedback, I use statements like “Whoa! You must be very proud of yourself!” 

 Now, there are a couple of ways that I deal with disruptive behaviours: 

 If it is a simple habit like interrupting me or their classmate, then I first explain that it's not fair to talk over someone and that they will have their chance, to raise their hand and wait their turn. Then until the habit wears off, every time they repeat it, I just stop them by saying, “we don’t interrupt each other.” You’ll be surprised how quickly they drop these habits. Action: Give an explanation for your request and then gentle reminders until the habit wears off.

 If it is something slightly unethical like plagiarism, then I do not bring it up in class; instead I have a separate conversation with the child, as I don’t think they need to lose face in front of their classmates. It would be great if you, as a teacher/mentor/parent, could think about why they may have done it and lead the conversation to that. For example, they plagiarised because they couldn't come up with a good enough idea, and the other students were sharing their ‘cool’ work. I then explain why it is not fair to themselves as they won't be able to grow, and also explain that it's okay to run out of ideas. Instead of pushing themselves, they can take a chill pill and listen to the others' work, and you never know when inspiration will hit. Most of these actions come from trying to save themselves from shame, vulnerability or uncertainty. Action: We do our best to help calm their anxious body by reassuring them that everything is okay.

 Now, for the most difficult problems to deal with—being outright unkind to me or to someone in class. As I never shout at the kids and genuinely treat them with the utmost respect and love, I have almost never had kids say mean things to me. If they said something to trigger me, by mistake, I take a few seconds to regulate and ground myself before trying to understand what they meant behind the “unkind” statement. Then we try to see what would be a better way for them to convey their needs. For instance, after explaining an activity, I was giving an example for the students when a child interrupted me, saying, “Ma’am, can you stop talking?” I was shocked because none of my students talk to me or each other this way. I took a few seconds and then asked the child why she said that. It turned out, she got a brilliant idea for her writing as soon as I explained the exercise (it was a big deal as she usually struggles with ideating), and the example I was giving the class was distracting her. After that, it was easy to give her solutions such as muting the computer to note down a few words to remember her idea, because, as a teacher, I still had to give examples for the other students. The whole situation was resolved in a matter of minutes. Action: Never take a disruptive behaviour at face value. Regulate yourself if needed and find the need behind the action before proceeding.

 It is a slow process, but I have always gotten good results. Soon disruptive habits die down and compassionate ones grow in number. Now when new kids join, they pick up on the respect and love in class and are glad to fit right in.